Hi falling star.....So sorry that you're suffering ~going through a lot of difficult stuff. I know very well how hard it is to loose people you were close to, as my so-called family "threw me out" several years ago now, and many of my friends aren't around anymore either. Not wanting to argue, but when you say "no one can help me", that sure sounds like the voice of depression....and it's simply not true. While it isn't always easy to find the right caring people to help (the right fit for you)....and I know it can be really frustrating at times, and of course hope can be ~often is elusive....as long as there are people out there who you haven't met yet, there is hope. I realize you might not believe this (I suppose most of us know about that), but hope exists, and our inability to see any perspective on this is just a part of our crappy gig. I sure do hope some relief comes to you soon, and that you'll let us know, good or bad. (But I'm hoping it's good for you.) Take care..... ps....Maybe sometime you could try another counselor? You never know, I had to try a few before I found the awesome one that I have now