i've always wanted to get married and have kids.. but now the idea of being that close to another person makes me feel sick. the idea of sharing a bed and even the idea of giving birth and having doctors looking down there..

i don't like hugging, not even family and friends.

i am scared that i will never have a normal relationship, and i'm not scared that i might be interested in women, i'm scared i will never be able to have that relationship with another person, never have that trust and love.

this has all changed for me, because i never used to feel like this. I was sexually abused about 7yrs ago, but even after that i didn't change. i was in a relationship about 4 years ago and it ended badly. Not badly in we had a fight or he cheated, badly in he forced me to do things.

i guess it was a couple of years after that that things changed. and now i'm really confused.

i just wanted to know what anyone thought? i don't think i've really explained it i'm just really confused.