I actually like sex inspite of the fact that I was raped by one of my older brother's friends at 14. Everyone's drive is different. I was sort of taught that sex was wrong as a kid, but it never made sense since everybody seemed intent on doing it. I had a lot of creepy attitudes about sex that eventually subverted my first marriage. When I met my current husband, I made the conscious decision that I would have sex with him whenever he wanted or whenever I wanted. Once I finally got through the idea that sex was beautiful, pleasurable and a supreme act of love it began to change. I tossed my old Victorian inhibitions and started to think about it in a different way and my attitude changed.

Having sex was the only way that I was ever going to have children. Unfortunately I was only able to carry one of my four pregnancies to term. After my third miscarriage my doctor told me that I couldn't have any more children I was devastated. I guess that it was when I looked at sex as God's given gift of pleasure rather than a breeding mechanism, my attitude changed. If it gives me pleasure or my husband pleasure it is enough.

I am not sure that my thoughts really help here. Everyone is different but I do wish you well and hope that ultimately your life is one full of love and happiness