Thanks, Tinkerbell. I'm sorry to hear about your mom. Of course, I feel I let my brother down. A couple days before he died, his calendar was marked, "nobody called." I would do anything to go back in time and call him or drive and pick him up and take him
to hospital. I feel dead inside. Everyone expects me to get back to normal, well I wasn't really able to function before this happened and now I really can't and i've been on my own struggling / drowning for so long. Just no one sees it because I try so hard and I vowed to never do anything like kill myself but no one understands that me not doing that is the biggest act of love and sacrifice of all and that is the truth- if there were no one else involved but me-i would have done it years ago. So instead, i'm always stuck in this
miserable limbo between living and dead. After our brother died it's worse. I don't know how to make it better. I'm on every med , tried every therapy. Grrrrr. And somehow I feel like i'm letting everybody down because I just can't function and get it together, and that's why I wasn't there for my brother. No one can count on me.