Hi...this is double posted from new members forum....is it bad I'm too lazy to re write? I did add to it... . Sorry it's so long.

Well, I'm new here and in between diagnosis'. Being told I had depression for 15 years and having been on many antidepressants and cocktails, I was rediagnosed with anxiety and ADHD. But the pdoc who diagnosed me took literally 15 minutes of her time. I didn't feel comfortable with this and found a new pdoc. But before I got in, found out I was pregnant. So I went in anyway knowing I wouldn't get a diagnosis. The new pdoc said yes on the anxiety but no on the ADHD. He said he had a few diagnosis' on the fence but until I wasn't preggers, he wanted to wait to actually diagnose me. He did tell me to check with my Ob about a few meds that might help me until the baby was born since I can't take the Xanax I was taking. One was an herbal supplement for anxiety. The second was buspar and the third was lamictal. I didn't know until looking these up later that one was for anxiety and the other was for bipolar. my Ob said no to all of the drugs, since without a diagnosis it's hard to weigh risks.

I've suspected bipolar for some time and this sort of made me feel like perhaps this is in fact where I'll end up. I don't even care anymore, as long as I can get right. My five year old and husband suffer because of me. I hate being so irrational and irritable. I feel out of control.

Amazingly I feel like my moods are more balanced during pregnancy. Unfortunately, that mood is balanced right in between miserable and just ok. My good days now seem to be less good and my bad less bad. The other unfortunate thing is my newly acquired anti social behavior. I would be content to be alone a huge majority if the time, and this includes being away from my daughter and husband who I love so very much. which is sometimes good because I am often irritable and negative.

I've been reading some of the posts here and see myself everywhere. It's almost scary. I've always recognized my depression. Recently my anxiety. And even more recently, I'm noticing possible hypo mania. Maybe it's wishful thinking that I've finally found out what's wrong with me. It sounds weird to say that but at this point, I just want to know so I can get it fixed!!

I'm falling apart and I am not sure I can make it til delivery. My pdoc wants to see me one week after delivery. I had ppd with my daughter and we want to get that headed off.

I've done the tests online and get possible bpd. My new pdoc (not me) did mention it while I was talking about Googling what could be wrong with me. Ive always had mood swings but everyone always told me everyone does. I'm starting to believe that maybe mine are different. I just know antidepressants don't work and I'm tired of feeling good with them for 6 months only to find they stop working and I'm crashing again. The only drug that made me feel close to normal was Xanax.

I guess time will tell.

Thanks for listening.