sorry to hear that your going through a tough time. maybe your scared that the same things that are happening to your friends can happen to you. i dont but i have those uncontrollable out crys sometimes but i think it's just my bad side catching up to me. i sometimes do things that i know are wrong. but don't care. and than it just creeps up on me. there's so much i want to change and dont really know how. i cant afford any pshsy too expensive. i just try to compare to other peoples misery in hopes that i can learn something to help myself with.at least you can really appreciate your life. thats good . i wouldnt know if what i got is good or bad sometimes. sometimes i feel as if i am a walking bomb about to explode. not dealing with inner issues from childhood is really messing me up. i cant even have a healthy relationship with my husband and as for my kids i really think i did more harm to them than good. its weird its like im in this box watching myself mess peoples lives but i cant do nothing about it. sad thing about it people actually believe im good. they see this innocent person who is incapable of doing any wrong little do they know im so evil. just in a scary way. meaning i don't bring bodily harm to no one i just do things that i know will severly hurt if they only knew. sad ,sick,i know but how do i change, i even tried god the superior being that didnt even have a hold on me. i guess i wud have to believe huh? if it was up to me i would sleep all day. just lay on my bed and never come out of my room but im forced to particapate in the madness we call society. oh god, i so tired. no one can possible understand what it is to me. what to do. i know i should be trying to help but here i go needed help myself. so sorry didnt mean to bring you down.