To the OP - I am the same way. A loner, for life. I've tried to be social too, never works. I look at the tv screen at work where they post work-friendly/positive messages and it says "Impossible is not a fact". I just think about that and for me, I say it may not be a fact, but there are some things that just can't happen. For me that thing is to be social, and while I can't prove it, it seems like I will never be with anybody. I mean, no one wants to be around someone who is so depressed all the time. It is a vicious cycle that never ends for me. It disturbs me every day, I think about it every day.

How do I cope with these thoughts? I try to pretend I'm not human and don't have human emotions or feelings, like a robot. But then it always catches back up and I look at other people and can't help but to be jealous of this unknown thing (to me) that is called "happiness". Can't help but to be human, and have these instincts, even if I don't really want children. Every day I keep trying to convince myself there is no point to being with anybody if I don't want kids so that I might be ok in my mind.

In case you really want to know (you probably don't), but it isn't that I don't want kids because of the hardships of raising and taking care of them, but because I would never want anyone to feel how I feel in my life. I would never want to force someone into the world and even take a small chance that they would feel the misery I do.