Previous posters have made excellent points, and I agree completely. But I feel you're looking at this too much from a black and white perspective. Besides, it's been my experience that you will not be able to let go of the control all at once. Even if you want to, even if you try, it just ain't gonna happen. All those defenses you have in place are not going to collapse all at once. It's a gradual process, log by log as someone said. A controlled burn, like someone else said.

And also .... you're not giving up control of your emotions but gaining more control. Right now the only way you can stay in control is to block all of them, all or nothing. You feel like if you lose control the emotions will engulf you and sweep you away, and you will be helpless. Not so! You can learn to MANAGE your emotions.

Example - allowing yourself to cry doesn't mean from this point on you'll cry at the drop of a hat. You can allow yourself to cry - or not - depending on the situation. If you feel tears coming on in the middle of a business meeting, you'll be able to recognize it and hold off until later when it's safe to cry. But if it's a personal situation where tears would be good, you can let them flow. In other words, YOU'LL HAVE MORE CONTROL THAN YOU DO NOW.

It'll take some work to get through this, but please don't feel that you have to die to do this. Some parts of you will have to be deconstructed and rebuilt, but you'll still be you. Just better. And happier.