I’m struggling. My depression has worsened. I’m not able to control it like I used to do. I’m not able to ignore it like I used to do. I’m a bit lost on what to do next. I am on cymbalta for my fibromyalgia and it does help with some of the pain. It doesn’t seem to be working as well as it has in the past. I spoke to my doctor and she gave me gabapentin for the pain. It’s not doing anything at all this time. I was on it many years ago and it worked well, now, nothing.

I know I have to apply for prescription assistance, but I don’t seem to get off my duff and do it. My procrastination has taken hold in a strong way and I can’t figure out how to work through that either.

This is all creating more anxiety and all I want to do is hide under my blankets and cuddle with my pillows. I haven’t allowed myself to do that yet, but I think the time is coming closer to doing it.

While I have a very nice place to live (thanks to darkpurplesecrets) and I am so very appreciative of that, it doesn’t seem to be enough of a kick in the arse to get me moving on things I need to do for myself.

Having worked hard my whole life, sometimes 2 jobs to make ends meet while raising my kids, I find I can no longer work. It takes me hours to get up and get moving every morning. That, in and of itself, is very depressing to me. I’m not finding joy in life. I’m not laughing like I used to laugh. I’m not sleeping well (haven’t in a long time anyways but seems to be getting worse).

I find it hard to express these things as I have always been a strong individual who was able to work through anything. That is just not the case anymore and I’m at a loss as to what will help me.

I’ve applied for SSDI and APTD. It’s been over 3 months without any income and no decision yet on the APTD. I have been so very blessed with good friends and family who have stepped up to help me. But I realize they cannot do this forever and I do not expect them to.

Right now, I’ve been putting off getting in the shower and getting dressed to go deliver some paperwork to the state that they require. Today is the deadline day to get it in for my case. This is typical procrastination on my part, yet again. And there goes the anxiety because of it…..good grief. Just light another cigarette and tell myself I’ll get in the shower when it’s finished. *sigh* Seems I’ve told myself that four cigarettes ago.

I guess, if I must, I must…….maybe I’ll write more later, if I don’t put it off.

Thanks for reading.