It has crossed my mind that this is some sort or 'test' or mind game, for 'my own good', or something... but if it is then I think my T may be overestimating my coping skills right now.

I tried to silence all of the '**** you, then' thoughs, the 'I quit' thoughts, the 'I'm never going to trust anyone like this again' thoughts... the 'nobody, not even T, understands or likes me' thoughts... I tried to comfort the wounded child, tried to be in my 'adult', tried to be a grown-up and be prepared to fix it. I txt her asking if we could speak today. Several hours later she replied that we can't... so now I feel even worse - like I put myself 'out there' again...

I feel so frustrated right now. It's hard not to feel upset and rejected - especially right now - stuff has been happening in real life recently that already has me feeling out of place and alone.

It's hard to stop the thoughts of 'walk away now, get back your power and control, don't let anybody make you feel this way'...

I know it sounds ridiculous... but it just took SO much for me to be so vulnerable with T, and it feels like a punch in the gut.