Quote:
Originally Posted by TheBunnyWithin
Previous posters have made excellent points, and I agree completely. But I feel you're looking at this too much from a black and white perspective. Besides, it's been my experience that you will not be able to let go of the control all at once. Even if you want to, even if you try, it just ain't gonna happen. All those defenses you have in place are not going to collapse all at once. It's a gradual process, log by log as someone said. A controlled burn, like someone else said.
And also .... you're not giving up control of your emotions but gaining more control. Right now the only way you can stay in control is to block all of them, all or nothing. You feel like if you lose control the emotions will engulf you and sweep you away, and you will be helpless. Not so! You can learn to MANAGE your emotions.
Example - allowing yourself to cry doesn't mean from this point on you'll cry at the drop of a hat. You can allow yourself to cry - or not - depending on the situation. If you feel tears coming on in the middle of a business meeting, you'll be able to recognize it and hold off until later when it's safe to cry. But if it's a personal situation where tears would be good, you can let them flow. In other words, YOU'LL HAVE MORE CONTROL THAN YOU DO NOW.
It'll take some work to get through this, but please don't feel that you have to die to do this. Some parts of you will have to be deconstructed and rebuilt, but you'll still be you. Just better.  And happier. |
I'm feeling the need to say more here. I should not have used the word "you" - this is about me and my situation, and I should have said it that way. I believe it's similar for others, but I'm not
sure. So apologies if this came across as too strong.
Second thing is that I've found out through therapy that a lot of our defenses are unconscious, which is why it's so hard to change. Over the last year, I've made many decisions to "let T in", which have been great for a week or so, and then my unconscious gets scared and throws the walls right back up. And I can't help it. Even when I recognize it, I'm almost powerless to stop it.
So that's why I say that you probably shouldn't worry about losing all your defenses completely. I'm having to work like a dog to convince my unconscious to go along with my desire to change and open up. It's getting there, but my unconscious is in the business of protecting me and it's like it's asking me, "What, are you crazy???? Are you SURE you want to do this? Opening up is dangerous!! Are you out of your mind???" (Yeah, probably ...)
I hope this is better than the original post.