So about late September or early October, the light changes and I start feeling this weird detached mania. I can't help it. I go into another world and see things differently. I just told this to my new T at our first appointment ever together. She said "Its the shortening of the days". Yeah. I said "its the QUALITY of the light, not lack of it".

So today, the light looks like THAT and I started disassociating a bit and tried to NOT, but the light is the light and I couldn't help it. The sun STILL hasn't gone down and will go down at 8:30 like yesterday. Why can't anybody understand that the quality of the light triggers me? I feel okay but my brain KNOWS. It just KNOWS. I don't know why I am attracted and disassociate and start to get manic. This is when I start hallucinating. I'm not far enough into it, and I probably won't be until the days start consistantly looking like this around October. Of course, Zyprexa is doing its job. I've been feeling like my prolactin is high lately- achey, like letdown. IT was really bad before during and just after my period. Now its a bit less but I still notice it. I did call about this. The other, I will keep an eye on it until I see my Pdoc in 3 weeks.