Last week I sat down with my brother to talk for the first time in many years. I had traveled 1200 miles to his place in the Denver area to attend the funeral of my disabled niece who had passed away. We had a good talk for the first time in years. All good

The problem is that it triggered memories of all kinds of abuse that occurred in our home as I was growing up, especially after my mother died when I was 13. A year later I was raped by one of his friends, whom I heard that you might as well. She keep her pants on anyway. (I was a virgin at the time but had become quite flirtatious) After that I really acted out and was rather wild. I got pregnant at 17 and miscarried 3 months later

I sort of got my act together and went to college and finished an advanced degree. I married the first guy who treated me half decent and got pregnant and had my daughter, but I did not know how to relate to a man in a wholesome way and went through a very painful divorce.
I since remarried and have a reasonably decent marriage now for nearly 10 years. though not perfect we get along and work together

However just being there has brought all kinds of awful memories back and I just can't seem to shake them, regardless of how I try. I just keep remembering the pain, humiliation and degrading feelings that I had in those days. I have visions of the the physical and verbal abuse that went on.

I cannot figure out what to do. Why is all the rubbish from my stormy past suddenly replaying in my brain. What do I do and how do I make it stop? I really want to have a normal family and a relationship with my brother rather than being alienated all my life. He is ready to move on. What is the matter with me?