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BipolaRNurse · Aug 10, 2012, 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72

So about late September or early October, the light changes and I start feeling this weird detached mania. I can't help it. I go into another world and see things differently. I just told this to my new T at our first appointment ever together. She said "Its the shortening of the days". Yeah. I said "its the QUALITY of the light, not lack of it".

So today, the light looks like THAT and I started disassociating a bit and tried to NOT, but the light is the light and I couldn't help it. The sun STILL hasn't gone down and will go down at 8:30 like yesterday. Why can't anybody understand that the quality of the light triggers me? I feel okay but my brain KNOWS. It just KNOWS. I don't know why I am attracted and disassociate and start to get manic. This is when I start hallucinating. I'm not far enough into it, and I probably won't be until the days start consistantly looking like this around October. Of course, Zyprexa is doing its job. I've been feeling like my prolactin is high lately- achey, like letdown. IT was really bad before during and just after my period. Now its a bit less but I still notice it. I did call about this. The other, I will keep an eye on it until I see my Pdoc in 3 weeks.

OMG---you mean somebody ELSE has this too??

I always thought I was just weird. Like a lot of bipolars I get manic in the spring and early summer, but then there's another period in early fall when I become energetic again and clean my house top to bottom, organizing things and laying in supplies for the winter.....as if I were a squirrel storing nuts. The mood is upbeat and extremely optimistic, and it lasts through at least Halloween. Then the holidays come, and life is busy and good for awhile, but then I crash into depression shortly after my birthday in mid-January and I'm pretty much worthless until about Easter.

Hope this will be the winter when I finally break the mold. I've never before had the tools at my disposal that I have now.......maybe I can just skip the whole winter-depression thing this year. Nothing like being an optimist.