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BipolaRNurse · Aug 10, 2012, 11:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Faraway tree

So I have been officially bipolar for about six weeks now, un officially for six years. When I finally got help I was so tired, just exhausted from riding out the mood swings that I actually had nothing left. I just bowled up to the drs office and have been so good - no more alchohol, taking the drugs, being honest, keeping appointments. I don't know why I was so surprised after this to still feel down, and have been feeling low for a while now, to the point that it's affected my work and I have had time off. This is ok. Depression isn't exactly new to me.

The thing is, I've lost my fight/mojo/courage/get-up-and-kick-arse-even-though-i-feel-like-dying powers. It's as if I have no energy reserve to draw on. I'm not sure if it's the meds taking away my hypo switch, or just being tired to my bones but my ability to push on, to 'fake it', to put on a brave face, it's gone.
And when I think of bipolar being a forever thing I just can't even comprehend how I can have a life without my "overdrive" setting.

What do you guts think? Can you relate? Is it just normal life without the hypo? Or maybe I'm just grieving or something?

I guess my question is, how do you push on when there is nothing left? I mean, I'm not going to top myself or anything but being alive and functioning is kinda hard sometimes, as you well know, and I have never felt so drained and empty and broken before. Tips for self-revival?

Cheers,

Me

Welcome to PC

You've gotten some pretty good advice here so far, and I don't have a lot to add except sympathy. Five months ago, I was pretty much where you are now: newly diagnosed, starting on meds, still feeling down, and wondering if this was as good as it was ever going to get.

Not only that, but I was having a terrible time coming to grips with the "forever" aspect of this thing and grieving the loss of the "me" I'd believed myself to be for 53 years. I only recently accepted the diagnosis and the fact that I have to be medicated in order to live my best life with this disorder. Sometimes it takes a lot longer than that to get to this level of acceptance......every BPer has their own timetable.

Even medicated, there will still be times when moods are unstable; you'll still have some 'highs', as well as lows, but you'll learn how to use that extra energy during the high times and regroup during the downtimes. (I haven't got that second part down yet, but the first part is really easy.

)

And, keep coming back here to PC, where there are folks just like you, who wrestle with the same demons you do, who can help. (It's always easier to 'fix' someone else's problems than to address our own, yes?

)