You seem to need to process those feelings that have been hidden for so long. Shame, pain, humiliation.. I have a similar story and I have chosen therapy as a way of someone assisting me to work through these feelings. There are also lots of self help books out their including work books. I think the mind has a way of bring things back when your ready to deal with them. Good luck on your journey, but know those new memories when processed through the eyes of an adult verses that of a child is a good way to reframe the memories and help to heal the child within.