These responses really helped me put things in perspective. Please know I really appreciate the time all y'alls took to respond. Since she's a recovering alcoholic AND BP, BipolaRNurse's response really put it in a nutshell for me:
Quote:
Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse
Recovering alcoholic and bipolar here, too. Only I've noticed I have memory loss during my manic episodes, like I blank out entire stretches of time the way I did in my drinking days. People will bring up something I said or did when I was in the throes of the episode, and I honestly do not always remember saying or doing what they claim. Which leaves me apologizing for acts I don't recall committing, which sucks, but what else can I do?
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While I told folks I remembered everything I did while manic, I guess that might not be the case...After all, how can you remember stuff you don't remember? That's logical, but I'm afraid I'm sometimes not too bright where issues like this are concerned. I have to remind myself that towards the end of my drinking I was blacking out & losing large chunks of time. It took friends & family to remind me of the things I did while drunk. I don't even want to contemplate the things I did when I was drinking alone -- although coming to with a bloody hangover & the house trashed should have been a clue. Denial is a big part of alcoholism...& maybe that's been a big factor with my mania, as well. (Note: I don't mean to turn this thread into an AA meeting, but rates of substance abuse are MUCH higher among we BP peeps -- hope some of you might understand.)
I also picked up an important reminder in a few of your posts. I'll quote BilpolaRNurse here, too: "I'm all about owning my problems and not using BP as an excuse for my misbehavior..." It's sometimes too easy to let one's self off the hook because of one's mental illness. If we've somehow hurt or insulted some one during our manic/hypomanic times, it's important to acknowledge their feelings, rather than using MI as an excuse. After all, their feelings are as valid as our BP; it's important that we acknowledge that. AA (NOOOOO!!! NOT AGAIN!!!) streses the point that it's important to "make amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others." I didn't let myself off the hook for my alcoholism, so the same principle should apply to my BP wreckage.
Darn it! I've written far too much...But I WILL make an excuse in this instance. I taught English for 25 years, so it's easy for me to be verbose.
Anyways, thanks to all of you who have posted. I hope folks will continue to post so I might learn more from your experiences. I'm new to PsycheCentral...That's why I'm here.