Your post sounds like something my boyfriend might have written. He encouraged me to seek counseling and in turn I encouraged him to seek counseling. I am definitely "more messed up" than him and "need counseling" more.

But I don't think that anyone is screwed up "just cuz". Maybe you had a good, kind family like my boyfriend, went to a good school, had good friends, and only had "normal" bad things happen to you, (like people you care about dying)... but that doesn't mean that everything in your development went perfectly.

For instance, using my boyfriend as an example again, he is very conflict-avoidant. His mom always tried to smooth things over when he was a kid, never wanted him to make waves, or get in trouble. She was a normal, doting, mother who just wanted the best for her son and no one can really say a word against her. But for whatever reason, her son had a very different personality and it frustrated him greatly to not be able to really "solve" problems. He learned to push everything under the rug.

So now, in his adult life, he gets very frustrated, but he doesn't really know how to address or solve problems. He lets other people take the lead. All the time.

I have a hard time imagining what could be the "cause" of your problems if it didn't start at home. School, maybe? But problems don't happen in a vacuum. There has to be some sort of conflict for a problem to arise - between you and SOMETHING. I'm worried that you're beating yourself up, blaming yourself for all your problems and no one else gets to share responsibility.

It sounds like since you had a relatively normal upbringing, you have less trouble interacting with people. You're stable and secure and know that your T looking out for you. My boyfriend is similar in this way: in between sessions he thinks about what was said, what he thinks, what decisions he needs to make, but he's never called or texted his T between sessions... He doesn't talk about her... same as you, she's just not really part of the portrait for him.

Transference issues are DEFINITELY different for abuse/trauma victims than for people who have not experienced this. It basically comes down to trust and fear. People who have been abused and traumatized may have a very hard time trusting, they fear that something bad will happen. They're on the lookout for any little sign. Anything to prevent it from happening again. They can become hyper vigilant, and, in turn, hyper sensitive to any perceived threat or slight. It basically comes down to, "better safe than sorry." People who have not been victimized do not have this problem.

I think thinking of your therapist as a support rather than a cure is common - just maybe not on this board. I've had people disagree with me in the past when I say this, but I do think that this board is NOT a representative sample of people seeking therapy. People like my boyfriend who don't think or worry about the relationship, or people who are closer to not needing therapy, I don't think they come here as much. Because I don't think, in general, they crave as much support. Think about all the activities in your life that there are probably message boards for that you DON'T use. I mean, there's probably message boards for cooking, for doing your hair, about books and reading, about martial arts... I don't frequent any of those boards, even though I do those things.

I don't think you're over thinking. I do worry that you're thinking in circles (not thinking new thoughts) but that's probably just me projecting, because that's what my boyfriend does.

The only suggestion I can really give to you is to journal. If you don't like to physically write, maybe type it. Docs.Google.com is a good place to keep an online journal. It will really help you to get your thoughts in order, and help you figure out where you DO think your problems and feelings of disconnect come from. They aren't created in a vacuum.