Hello,

thank you for your replies it has helped me to find a sencible way of thinking on this, it is true taboo's are dangerous in the way it is forbidden to talk or think about. To be viewed as shame!! To keep quiet, put a face on to the world and take it with a stiff upper lip. Our age of information if both liberating and scary. To learn and commit to change opposed repertition to grow and evolve. This is exactly what i need to do and to think towards my recovery and you hit the nail on the head, I don't see myself worthy somehow using this as proof I was meant to be punished it was ordained in fate to pay for the sins of the past. Even as I type this I see just how rediculous it sounds and I would knock another on the head and tell them not to be so silly. Yet I feel it all the same, it is madness. If only practice was as easy as knowing and as simple to grasp.