Wow, InTherapy. That was a lot of meat to chew over.

I don't think all psychiatric problems have an environmental element. I mean, the environment can affect their manifestation, but I don't think problems all have an external cause. One thing I have learned from therapy is that some problems "just are".

I have a twin sister. She's two inches taller than I am. She makes twice as much money as I do and has always been much more confident than I have been. She has a rich emotional and social life, while my life is pretty sparsely populated and muted. When I first started therapy, I drove my therapist up the wall by demanding an explanation for these discrepancies. Surely there had to be a reason--something my parents did wrong with us, some repressed abuse or trauma. And at first, my therapist thought so too and tried to make someone out to be the Villain. But eventually, I had to come to terms with the truth: I am the way I am for the same reason why schizophrenic uncle and aunt and cousin were the way they were, while their siblings turned out fine. The blessings and curses of genetics.

I consider my therapy supportive because we aren't fixing a conflict. In a broad sense, my therapist is trying to make me feel connected to myself and to the world. So we aren't totally aimless in our work. But there is no "hurdle" that I need to overcome, you know? I think that's the best thing about having a pervasive disorder. It sucks because there's no one thing that you can pinpoint as the major "problem", but on the other hand, it's easier to accept that you are what you are and shift the focus from "changing" to "accepting".

I am too shy to ask my therapist, but I'm curious if therapists prefer working with patients that actually have "real" problems, like abuse. They are more sympathetic, perhaps. I know that my family can't understand why I'm still in therapy, since I am also on medication.