My husband and i have been together 2 years and a month-ish. Second marriage for both of us, after long, abusive, unhappy marriages, for both. We've been married just over a month, but lived together for the past 20 months as married as we could be, just without the law.

I love him to death. He is the polar opposite of my first husband, which means we are best friends, we enjoy being together, we can talk about pretty much anything, we like the same things, we find the same things amusing (for the most part), we enjoy a very playful relationship.

But we have an issue. And, it's a biggie, for me. He doesn't desire to have sex with me. The ONLY time he ever initiated it was our first time and i think he would have waited longer if i had not been teasing him so much about "waiting" (at our age). In the first 6 months we were together, we had sex maybe 12 times. Then, it was almost A FULL YEAR before we did again. Then, about 4-5 months passed before another sexual encounter. Like I said, we got married just over a month ago... and yes, we've been living together and all, so maybe it shouldn't have been a big deal to me, but we didn't even have sex on our "wedding night."

I know many women who would say "woo hoo!!! I don't see a problem!" I have always had a very healthy sexual appetite. If I had a willing partner, I could and would have sex every day. I'm not a nympho by any stretch. I don't have any fetishes or deviant preferences. I just have a healthy enjoyment of the physical expression of affection in a healthy relationship.

I have brought up my "need" for more, several times. But I don't nag. I express my desire for more intimacy, ask if there's anything I can do that might make him feel the same. I found a book, "The Sex Starved Marriage" which we read and discussed together. None of the scenarios in it really fit us. There aren't any old emotional wounds, no resentments, no power-plays, no game playing, no control issues, no children to get in the way.

When asked, he says he just doesn't have a sex drive. He's 46. Really? I find that very hard to believe. He does have PTSD and he's bipolar, so he's on some psych meds and we have discussed this with his doc who says it "might" be the meds but should be easy to overcome that, IF that's what my hubby wants to do. I just don't think the meds or disorders are the issue.

In the past 6 months or so, I've snooped and found naked women pics on his computer from the internet. And he has a membership to almost every dating/hook up/cheating site out there. And, he has at various times posted personal ads on craigslist, and answered some, as well. I've read texts to and from a few women planning on meeting up and the "oh i miss you" text a few days later from them. He has no clue I know all these things b/c he has everything locked down with passwords. I got thru them all. I'm a lot smarter than he gives me credit for.

Do you see a huge disconnect between the beginning of my post and the last paragraph???

How can he be so close to me in every way but the sex, and seek that elsewhere? Is this really a case of best friends, not partners? I am so confused. And hurt. And I really wish I could not love him anymore. Things would be so much easier.

i don't know what to do.....