I feel like a failure, I just turned 20, and feel like I haven't lived life to the fullest. I spend my days getting up at noon, and moping around the house till it's time to go to bed (I've been on summer break). I just don't know where my life is headed. I'm in college, but feel very depressed about this. I feel very regretful with myself for not having tried in high school, and getting excited about college when I should have been. I ended up going to my "safety school", and will remain there after a rejected transfer application to me "dream" school". At the time in high school, I simply did not care. I was depressed about being lonely and having no friends, so college was not in my mind. Now all I can think about is how I'll finish my college years at the state school I never wanted to go to to begin with. I don't even want to hear the word "college" anymore, as it just keeps getting me down. I have two more years in college, and then I have no idea what I'm doing now. I keep toying with the idea of grad school, so I can maybe go to a school like yale or princeton (just throwing names out there), but then again realize that I have no direction to begin with. Would I really be going to grad school for the right reason? Or just chasing a dead dream?

Most kids in college it seems have a career plan set out, or at least a passion. I really have none. I have NEVER been interested in getting a job, or having a career or making lots of money or any of that. I've always been a musician, and that has always been a passion. It was always fun having that dream as a kid knowing that maybe you'll one day be a famous musician. My family used to always say that, and it was delightful. But now, reality hits. If I were to go with music, I would have to stick with it. But reality of it is, I just don't want to. I feel like I'm obligated to some sense to stay with music, because I'd be denying myself of who I am, but on another hand, the whole rock star image, well, it just isn't me! I love school (despite my inferiority complex with my school), but just don't know what direction to go. I've been majoring in political science so far, just because I felt I needed SOME major. It hasn't ignited any passion on me. I just chose it because it was sort of interesting. Did I ever have any passion to be a senator? To be in local government? To campaign for local politicians? No way! NONE of that sounds appealing to me! This might just be me though, as all majors sound unappetizing to me with their given career paths. History- do I want to be a history professor? No. Political science- do I want to work in politics? No. English- do I want to be an english teacher? No. Business- do I want to be a businessman? No. Music- do I want to study advanced theory so I can write songs for commercials? No. Science- Do I want to work in a lab? (eh... maybe... I don't know...) I could go on and on... I have no idea what I want to do, and this is getting me incredibly down.