Hi everyone,

It's been tough for me to post lately, because things are not going well with T.

I'm so sad. We have had our occasional difficulties, but seem to work past them. Yet there seems to be this thing that he does that is really harmful, which is when I feel hurt by something he does, he avoids, or defends, or just generally doesn't listen to what I have to say around it, and seemingly pulls interpretations out of thin air. And explains. Oh, the explaining.

We seem to have about one of these a year, and it's getting to be too much for me. Months go by where we're just spinning our wheels, and I am saying the same thing over and over again, getting progressively worse, until I tell him I am going to find a new therapist -- and of course by that point I am emotionally checked out and have given everything I've got. It's at this point that he seems to start listening to me, and then for a good chunk of time, things are pretty ok -- sometimes up, sometimes down, but ok. It's a massive emotional feat, though, to try to go back to being engaged from having felt done.

I don't think I can do it anymore. It's like being with my husband back when he was behaving rather badly, and would refuse to make the smallest changes until I pretty much had one foot out the door. Thankfully, that has finally stopped. But it keeps going with T.

This time, it is something so ridiculous that I just can't wrap my head around it. It's a discussion that should have lasted several minutes, but instead has unfolded over the course of several weeks, as various bits of the truth and various semi-acknowledgements of my situation have slowly trickled out of him. Worse, it's about scheduling, so I can't even just try to set it aside for a while. I actually do need to know what's going on with our appointment schedule so I can, you know, have appointments.

He is showing signs of hearing what I have to say now, but it's been over two months. I'm totally drained and feel battered by his focus on and explanations of parts of the conversation that aren't actually bothering me.

I'm finding now that I need a therapist who can admit when he's wrong. Not so much because I'm interested in being right, because sometimes there is no "right". But it's very hard for me to be vulnerable with someone who isn't willing to focus on the things that are hurtful and significant to me if those things are coming from him.

He insists this isn't about his avoiding responsibility, but if that's not it, then I am completely and totally stuck. There's no unifying explanation that's going to make him look good, and I've yet to hear any unifying explanation from him at all -- just bits and pieces of things that he KNOWS are not the issue.

OK, well, this is a novel. I just wanted to write it here because I really have nowhere else to go with it. I am SO sad. This sucks SO much. I'm taking a couple weeks off of therapy (that is a long time for me, as someone in analysis who goes 3-4 times a wekk) -- I might go for a full month if necessary. I desperately need some space to think.

Thanks to any who have read this far