so have you told him exactly that? that 1. you don't like having to threaten to leave to get him to straighten out his act 2. you get enough of that crap at home 3. flat out, why is he being defensive with YOU? in my case, I told T I love him more than anybody else in his life, he totally didn't need to be defensive with me. that might not apply to you. but it probably does at some level of trust. 4. so what is this really about for him??? wtf? i'm sorry this is happening.