Quote:
Originally Posted by hockeymom
Hi there...I am new to this forum but have an issue I could use advice on. I have been married for 10 years and the relationship has been going downhill for years. We do not communicate, have a terrible sex life and have just a generally unfulfilling marriage. This is partly due to me (I am a recovering alcoholic for over five years and the dynamics of our relationship changed a lot when I got sober, and honestly I am a bit of a control freak) and partly due to him (he's a workaholic, won't commit to anything, and is a poor communicator). I do not hate him, just feel indifference and feel there should be more to a marriage. Sexually I do not enjoy him touching me, although I do have a sex drive. I am ready for divorce but am financially stuck and I don't know what to do. We discussed divorce last December, but due to a family crisis, our discussions got put on the backburner and we never did anything about it. He does not want divorce at all, is very hurt. I have agreed to counseling. We also have children and I have to consider their well being. All that said, I think divorce is in our future, but it will be a few years before we will be able to afford to go through with it financially. I don't know how to continue to live like this for that time. He is a very good person and a good father, and I want what is best for him - I would love to see him find someone who can love him the way he wants to be loved. I just don't think that is me. I have started talking online with an old friend and we have been making plans to meet specifically for a weekend fling, no strings attached. I feel more alive and desired/desirable than for years, and want to go through with it but know it is not a very responsible move to make. I feel very stuck, and don't know how to handle any of this. I am a good person, my husband is a good person...but what do you do when your relationship is over and you can't get out?
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WOW, reading this, i could have written it. Other than the financial piece. I have a good job, and can afford to LIVE away, but my parents are helping with the divorce. I have been married for 15 yrs, together for 17, and for the last 8 it has been horrible, and getting worse each year. he gave up basically on life, gained a ton of weight, won't work, won't get medical help.. and i found myself not wanting anything to do with him. For the kids sake I thought i could stick it out til my youngest was 18, but i found myself withdrawing more and more every day. I also work full time, and need to be On for my job.
I believe we are both good people, and wish him well and much happiness. I also found someone that i was immediately attracted to, and did move ahead with something.. i have to say though it was NOT a good idea in the long run. I think i needed someone and Still do for affection, and friendship, but the rest really needs to wait til I am mentally back where i need to be... It made me SO much more lonely afterwards, as i was Still alone, still married, and i was not ok with me.
Does that make sense? I would say, BE friends, go and meet him if you want, but try very hard to NOT have that level of intimacy.. If it is supposed to BE, it will be there after you get things settled. It will make you feel even more depressed having to come back and live a life when you want to be elsewhere.
Just my opinion...