Dalila dear, I am sooooo sorry about the abuse your mother heaped upon you. She dumped her own rage onto you. You are quite expressive in your description of the bodily pain! Wow! I assume that helps with processing the abuse.
Would it be okay with you if I copy and paste your post into my journal? You have articulated what I have been unable to in all my years of therapy. 'The whistle of the belt', 'the fire burns', 'liquid fire erupts'.... you really hit the nail on the head here.
I empathize with your pain, pain that you do a better job at describing than myself. So feel free to 'journal' on this forum.
May your suffering psyche and body find peace soon.