I'm sorry Sally.

Sounds like your T has an unhealthy behavior pattern of his own. You shouldn't have to threaten to quit to have him listen to what is important to you. I have a working knowledge of analysis from my BA in psychology, but no experience with it. My own T told me that defensiveness is a block. That your T is defending himself sounds to me like he has a block somewhere. Most likely it has nothing to do with you per se, but I wonder if you've stumbled upon topics he doesn't want to deal within himself.

Then again, we can "what if" forever. I hope you find some resolution Sally.