I understand about bullies, and that once you have been a victim, other bullies tend to identify you as a victim and keep doing it. I was beaten up after school for being short. I also thought it was just inevitable that I would be picked on. I was smaller and weaker, and that made me an easy target, and it just always was what happened. I still would "volunteer" to be the victim. As an adult, it's a little different, but there are still bullies of course, and they are still looking for victims. "Victim" is a role that I am comfortable with.

I don't tend to get picked on that much anymore though. I think that a lot of the reason is who I hang around with. I don' t have to keep socializing with people who pick on me. But sometimes I still create that dynamic with my husband or someone. He's not a bully by nature, but I feel picked on if he lectures me or gets critical of me, and I tend to go along with it for a while, and then I sulk or space out or something, but what I'm trying to do is speak up assertively and tell him that isn't a way of interacting that I can participate in anymore.

Of course you don't choose to be victimized, but we do learn subtle mannerism that send out a singnal announcing us as potential victims. Bullies are highly attuned to picking up those signals. As a child, you didn't have much control, and after the first few times you probably felt like there was no escape (I did). But it is possible now to learn to change the patterns and be more assertive so that you stop sending out that involuntary invitation to bullies. Sometimes people will still be jerks, but you can recognize that they are jerks because that is who they are, and it has nothing to do with you. You can take back the power not to let them ruin your day or make you feel bad.