I am so sorry you're hurting. I've been in the place where you are now. You will come out of it. It's so hard when the people you need aren't there. I know it makes the depression hurt even more. And not feeling safe going around town must be awful. I remember when I was in the thick of memories and my parents came to town. I was freaking out. I was so afraid I would run into them. My friends didn't get it at all. One gal actually made fun of me. I lashed out at her and went home and crawled into bed, completely freaked out. I wouldn't answer the phone, door or go outside. My parents came to my work and I just dealt with it. It was really neat because my coworkers made sure I was O.K. It was weird. My friends couldn't understand but the people I worked with, did. My survival skills from the past got me through it. I spent a couple of hours with them, pretending that nothing ever happened. And then they went back to their home state and I went back to my life and worked through it with my T.
This process can be so hard. But you will make it if you just hold on and remember that the hard times will pass. It sounds like you're doing all the right things. You're posting on here to get support. You're seeing your T. You're protecting yourself from people you can't interact with right now. It may not feel like it but you're doing a lot of things right. One thing my T reminds me of is that I already did the hardest thing. I lived through those things and as an adult I can handle dealing with them. It's also important for me to be gentle with myself. I can only do so much when I feel that way.
If you'd like to, feel free to message me. I've learned some really good tools that might help, or I can just be there for you. My thoughts will be with you. Annie