I find it increadibly frustrating when I would be thinking all week about what I wanted to share and to make a mental note of my behavour and thoughts I wanted to understand more but when I would arrive at T I would dissociate something terrible and when I would talk it would be in as few words as possible. Wall up as soon as I felt it cracking I would start to panic and fear of a flood, I would redirect my T away. After a year of psychotherapy I never managed to touch on any of the things that really matter. It was not a waste of time by any stretch but this will take a lifetime if I don't learn to share in the real world then I am condemd to exist in this state forever. It has been liberating to find this forum!!!! I have never shared even a portion of what I have on here. I think it is understandable that you are able to be more honest in writing this is a skill I am totally learning on here and it is really good that your T allows you this level of direct contact. I would not worry about the slow reply maybe because he has been on holiday there is a lot of work to catch up on. I hated going through my emails going back to work after a break.

Sorry I went on a bit of a rant there.... I know I have the same experience of you when confronted with the traumas. I am glad you have a therapist you have been able to get comfortable with and it must have been hard to adjust to loosing your out outlet. Just a thought... as this is something I came to think about when my T went on holiday. I realised that she was not going to be a permanent feature that I can't put my trust into her because she will not be around long enough to finsh what we start. It made me feel very alone and scared and even though all she did was go on holiday I felt let down that this really is not a lifeline. This I think damaged our relationship because I had decided she was not reliable. I regret this and hope to take this lesson into my next course of therapy. I never really built up a closeness so I hope you can see past this to rebuild your relationship especially if he has been a good source for you before. Will you let us know if you address this with him and what he says??