It was my birthday today
Started out all right got woken up with breakfast in bed and a cup of coffee.
The plan was to go to church, then have a picnic and then paint the rest of the afternoon
The phone rang it was my mother in law wishing me a happy birthday and then asking me to organise guests for my husband sborthday when we go to sydney that was fine
Went to church running late, enjoyed about 30 mins of it when the twins decided to get loud in the kids section I turned around and saw my husband struggling with the kids. Grabbed Igrayne took her to the quiet room so she would calm down brought her out of the room to the play area and then I couldn't walk back into the sermon because I was embarassed by my children acting up.
Sue the minister came out the back for kids church and had a nice chat with me and my husband which was nice. I calmed down abit then the rest of the congregation came out and then I got anxious again some members came and chatted with me but I was getting mixed signals the younger ones were saying let the kids play stay in the sermon and the older ones were agreeing with my choice to leave.
Then some woman rudely introduced herself to me by just stating Marion and then blatantly staring at me until I answered with my name which really threw me and asking (demanding) where I was from? One part of me kind of stood there staring at her, another part wanted to say "Your mother" and then I settled for my suburb that I lived in it really shook me up.
We left shortly after that and I was so pissed with the kids for carrying on that I couldn;t talk.
When we got home I said to my eldest when we go to church next week you will sit right next to me in the service, to Murphy I said you will not run around and scream and to Igrayne do not scream and carry on ask properly for what you need.
I wanted to go to church to help with my depression looks like thats a massive fail!
Got home husband put the kids to bed so no picnic lunch.
My dad came over and gave me a gift and I told him of my diagnosis he was really upset which upset me too
So I took my gift card and went down to the shops and did retail therapy and bought somethings to do an installation art thing in my hallway however when I get home I've walked into my loungeroom and there is juice all over the floor from my youngest and no one has cleaned it up.
Well I hit the roof mother dearest walks in and says do u want the bucket and I said HOW MANY PEOPLE WALKED PAST THIS AND DID NOTHING! So she threw her hands up in the air and walked away. (Mind you she would of walked right past it as she came into the house only 20 mins before I did.)
My husband helped to clean it up and I RANTED THE ENTIRE TIME. Don't worry the kids were in the backyard and didn't hear me.
I felt that even on my own birthday people couldn't give me a nice day. Do I need to walk around with it on my t shirt for my own family to realise it?
So I sat out the back while everyone was having fun and rolled my smokes which kind of calmed me down abit.
My husband says to me why don't you go downstairs and put on the guided relaxation cd and I said what the hell for I'll do it and then someone will be at me for something or pestering me how can I relax? I tred to relax at church and look how that turned out
I fast forward to dinner sitting there eating dinner my son who's got a cold is coughing in my right ear and driving me insane in the end I said to my 2.5 year old either cough it up or swallow it just stop doing it while everyone is eating. My husband moved him away from me and the kid stops coughing just ****ing great
Then its cake time and the cake was disgusting mother dearest brought it for me. I stared at it and there was no happiness just emptiness
I cut the cake and I said well is anyone going to cut it into serving sizes or am I going to have to do that for myself as well. I looked at mum and she said to my husband to do it which angered me she's my mother you think she could at least do that much for me.
I ate the cake and went straight to bed at 1823hrs
Its now 0100hrs and I'm now awake and regret everything that happened today I could of enjoyed it better but I couldn't stop myself from reacting the way I did.
I hate myself at the moment why do people want to wish me happy birthdays for when I'm soo ungrateful

Who would want to be friends with a nut bunny like me? I should just you know and leytt he bad guys win their more persistent anyway