Thanks. I love to hear from an experienced trans person.
In recent years I wrestled with whether I am trans. I was really turned on by trans porn, experimented being intimated with trans girls also. The last one made me uncomfortable because it felt like being with a dude. Im not turned on by the smell of a guy so that was that. I guess just a temporary fetish purely to act out sexual tension.
It has made me more desiring of being with a "girl" now.
However at the same time I still very much feel like a girl rather than a guy.
I often fantasize about being a cute 18-year-old white teenage girl.. having slumber parties with them.. talking like them.. and so on. Lately I've caught myself using the phrase OMG and "totally" alot and I end up sounding like a Valley Girl from california whenever I talk.
I'm an only child so I'm thinking maybe I have a little sister complex.. in that I am desiring of a younger female version of myself to have fun with?
Quote:
Originally Posted by emgreen
I'm sorry you're experiencing such confusion right now Anthony. How do I tread lightly? Being transgendered, I think I might what you're going through; your description very much mirrors what I've been through in my own life. Like BP, gender dysphoria exists on a spectrum...each person experiencing it a bit differently. I'm far more the male side of this spectrum, BTW. I lived in denial & torment for 40 years before I finally accepted myself. This certainly wasn't easy for me, as society (especially in the States) shuns tampering with gender lines. It's a tough row to sow.
Testosterone? The last time I had blood work done, results showed that my testosterone level far is above that of your average bear. Roar!!! While it's definitely worth a shot asking your doc about testosterone treatment. For me, testosterone levels have nothing to do with my gender dysphoria. "I yam what I yam & that's all what I yam." --Popeye. Please know I don't mean to scare the daylights out of you; I'm just sharing the view from where I sit...doesn't necessarily apply to you.
Sexuality? Gender dysphoria has nothing to do with one's sexuality. Sexual orientation & gender identity are two different things altogether. As far as an explanation for transgenderism goes, studies are still inconclusive do to the low incidence of this "disorder." However, studies strongly point to the fact that it's purely physiological...that it's something in the brain. Me??? I was born male, live as a male & love women; but I still accept the fact that I'm transgendered...acceptance has been my saving grace.
While this might seem to be a digression, there was a piece last week in the NYT Magazine section that might help you understand more about gender identity. I hope it somehow helps...
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/12/ma...&_r=2&emc=eta1
Peace, brother. |