im feeling quite impressed tonight actually. after writing my last post i went out to the cinema and wen i got back i found 2 big bars of my favourite chocolate on my desk with a note reading:

"Simon
A little pressy for being so helpful yesterday when i needed someone. Thank you so much for doing all the things for me - much appreciated
Dad"

i thought that was real nice of him, its completely out of character for him to do that but it was quite touching and it makes me feel good to know hes recognised and cares. my brother and i had a chat earlier and he said that my dad said he was so glad i was there yesterday when charlie was put down, they said they were proud of me being strong for dad when he needed me, and that i was able to be strong for him and keep it all in until i get on my own. that too makes me feel better. but the thing thats made me feel the best is that after i read the note my dad had left i went downstairs and had a 2 hour long talk with my dad about stuff...about charlie, about my mum, about my birth lol, about allsorts really, i just thought it would help him to have someone there for him to have a chat to.

he said to me he hasnt drank too much today either, and i didnt even mention alcohol, so im glad he recognises that it is an issue but hes trying to stop it, which makes me feel proud of him. i told him that too.

he started saying that when he popped to the vets today to pay for charlies treatment the vet was all sympathetic to him which made him cry, and he said he felt like an idiot for cryin in public cos hes always been brought up to hide his emotions and be strong, so he said he felt like an idiot for crying, but i reassured him its natural and that the vet wont think less of him for it, i said they see it everyday and they understand so i said to him not to worry, i think that helped. he also said he felt an idiot for crying in front of me, my bro and my sis yesterday but i again said that i understand and expect him to do that, i said that its only natural and id never think any less of him for doing that. i really do think he feels better now after our chat, i think it helped him to be able to talk to someone for a little while. i do feel proud of him and i told him so a couple of times too, i just reassured him by making him feel that the way hes reacted to this situation is completely natural and that he has to go with the flow and if he feels like cryin, then he should let it out. he agreed too. hes experienced worse in the past though, he lost both his parents when he was 21/22, they died 1 year apart from eachother. so hes no stranger to heartache. but charlie was like his best mate so i can see why hes taken it badly, i understand completely.

so all in all i think hes ok at the moment, hes gone to bed now as he has work tomorow, i have been signed off for the week because ive injured my shoulder.

sorry bout the long post. hope your all well.