**** trigger warning for mention of CSA and r*** ****
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emptty
Even though I recognize I'm not in a very good situation, I'm happy to say this hasn't been that bad. Leaving will be bad but the relationship and sexual involvement doesn't seem to have bothered/hurt too much.
Calling it abuse makes me cringe because it really wasn't "bad"... I guess it wasn't/isn't good either
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Emptty, one of the most common reactions of abuse survivors is to minimize their experience and its effects. I did it for almost 40 years after my abuse ended. I was abused (my therapist calls it rape) from 13 to 14 by a man in his 30s. At the time, I thought of it as an "affair." I thought it did me no harm and that I was responsible for it. I continued to think that until about a year ago.
When I realized how my defenses were failing and how much they'd kept me from having in my life, I decided I needed to learn more about how what happened affected me. I started therapy. Until very recently, I continued to believe that it wasn't that bad and that it didn't hurt me too much.
It was a classic case of minimizing. I told my whole story to T and then spent the next 3 sessions telling him it wasn't that bad and that I was just being a drama queen. He looked me in the eye and said "This is how serious I think this was. You were raped. That's how bad it was." That hit me right between the eyes.
So, I know how it feels to have to change how you've thought about something for a long time. It's awful. It changes everything. But it doesn't make it less true to not face the reality.