I have hit my all time low. I hate how it hurts so bad but it is so hard to explain. It even turns into physical pain. Crying doesn't express. How can you express it? I need help!!!!!! If it isn't my family, it is my friends, or me. I can never will. I can't beat this. I don't even want to try anymore. What is the point. All I do is fail. That is one of the only things I am good at. I am in this rut. I cannot get out. I need a push. Everytime I get close to coming out, I fall in deeping. Help me, GOD. I need strenght and I don't think I have it anymore. I just want to lay in bed and never get up. I want to hide from the world. I don't want to be me anymore!!!!!!!!!!! I am so tired. This somewhat explains how I feel but it is worse. I can't explain it all, which makes me feel even worse. People will say talk to your doctor or talk to someone. Talking doesn't help anymore. I know it is all on me to get better but I can't do it. Even since I can remeber I have been dealing with problems. Can something really be fixed if it is from your childhood? As I am writing this I am shaking. I am so worked up. Depression is a disease that people say can be beat. I don't think it can. I have beaten am eating disorder and cutting for the most part. I still get urges but that is better. Depression is different, it is here to stay. That is a horrible feeling.