I lie awake tonight crying. Wondering why I am cursed with this disease. Why I can't will myself out of it. I have a wonderfully supportive boyfriend but sometimes dating him is so hard. Nothing bad ever happens to him and he's just always very happy. I have had a life full of trauma and loss and abuse and mental illness struggles. And I wonder, why me? I just want to know why me. I am 32 years old in November and this disease gets harder rather than easier. I just want so badly to be normal.