Gosh I am at a low point in my life and not sure I have a good way to help you see you are of value. All I have is someone else somewhere gave a cat up or abused it and YOU could be the very reason that cat has a chance. You could adopt it or work to help educate people on cats as you had to do something right to keep that cat alive for so many years. I am so sorry for your loss and pain Nothing can replace no but please do go on