The self-harm has always been a compulsion for me if I'm not in one of my self-destructive rages. An image of me doing something I either regret or thought was stupid would flash in my mind and I would hit myself as punishment. I've had that problem since I was twelve; the random flashbacks started very early (I think I was about seven or eight) but I never did anything about it until I turned twelve when it finally got overwhelming. I never cut myself; I knew that if I did it would become too obvious. Instead I settled for hitting myself on the head or bruising some part of my body. I was very clumsy when I was younger anyway so if I had a bruise somewhere I can just simply tell my mom that it was an accident. Sometimes, if I was angry enough at myself, I would pinch some part of my body or dig my nails into my skin deeply, but not deep enough so that it would bleed (sometimes it did though; I didn't care as long as people wouldn't notice). At seventeen I started resisting the urges to hurt myself because I thought I was being stupid for doing it. Instead, I settled for flipping myself off. I hated doing that though, because even if I wasn't shouting vulgarities verbally, doing the gesture seemed just as bad. Because of that, I eventually just tried resisting my urges until they stopped. I don't know how, but two months ago I started doing it again. Sometimes I succeed in resisting the urges, but most of the time they get the best of me and I give in to them.