I am trying to condense what has happened. Basically, Last Spring I was stressed at work and I became clingy. I basically called him at work and beeped him two different days at home (which is not encouraged but was allowed).

He responded by angrily saying, "Yesterday, I told the secretary to find you an appointment but instead I'm not going to change any other patients or stay late! If one comes open, I'll let you know." Apparently when I beeped him at home the previous night (which he has a choice of responding to or not), he was at a funeral. He told me that the reason that he didn't tell me the day before that he wasn't going to stay late or change patients to fit me in was because he wasn't thinking straight ()because of whoever passed away). I felt like he was angry because I was intrusive and clingy, and was responding this way. Please understand, I totally get that he shouldn't move anyone else to fit me in or stay late. All of this was me being intrusive and clingy. GUILTY as charged.

Unfortunately, I have a dissociated clingy part and an intellectual part that are at odds. The clingy part fears emotional abandonment (not necessarily physical abandonment) and when I sense something coming even if I don't intellectually know it, my fight or flight system goes into full swing.
The major trigger was when my therapist said, "I have to set boundaries in order to keep working with you." This statement even now stirs up major emotional stress. I think this illustrates the crux of the rupture.

I've written this and I can't say that I can work out why I feel so devastated in relation to the statement. But I do. He has to distance himself from me to tolerate me. He has to distance himself to tolerate me. It brings up my shame for being me which then conjures up my self-annhialation impulses. I have been trying to work through this with him but he has become Sigmund blank slate Freud. I hate being Borderline more than anybody will ever know. It is a disease of isolation. I'm a psychological leper.

There's more but that's about all I can get out at this point. Thanks for listening.