This has been on my mind lately. . . bear with me. I'm verbose, yes, but I'll get my point across eventually.

"Truth without love is cruelty. Love without truth is a lie.'

Sometimes I wonder if, when developing and growing, I missed some fundamental block where my compassion ought to be. I find it incredibly hard to relate with people... and people come to me to talk, unless I have a solution or can sympathize (which is not very often) I don't know what to say. Often, I've been told that I'm cruel and selfish. I don't think I'm selfish... Lord knows, I try not to be. I give and I give to the point that it causes me pain in many areas of my life, just to feel a sense of connection with anyone but there's something in me that makes it hard for me to identify with other people when they are in pain- even when I know the source of it.

For example, my mother is going through a very messy divorce. She's always asking me to call her and she begs me to initiate conversation with her but most of the time, she's a sobbing mess. I see an obvious solution to her issues but she doesn't want to do it- even when many other people have told her the same. Now, I can't speak to her because I don't feel any sympathy for her... I feel like she's done this to herself and now, I have to just let it run its course but really... I wish I could sympathize. I wish I could make her feel better-- but truthfully, I have nothing to offer.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm some sort of emotional sadist. Every time I try to think of instances where I have been cruel, I can't recall feel satisfaction or any sense of happiness about it. After it happens, I feel terrible about my inability to identify or even feel an iota of compassion. I've always said I was an advocate of tough love... it's what people who are close to me have called me. Unfortunately, it has also cost me a lot of friendships. People don't know how to take me because I don't commiserate, I don't offer compassion.

What's broken in me?