Antimatter - I read your posts and those there after.. I decided to wait a bit before replying because of the wording in your first posting in this thread... the wording is that of a mental health treatment provider, not of a client... by this I mean clients around here where I live and work dont use words like "schema" and "a caustic rupture" to say they had a fight or misunderstanding with their therapist. clients around here where I work and live dont refer to their anniversaries of trauma by the term "D-Day" either.

All that together was telling me you have had extensive educational background in psychology and were /may be a mental health treatment provider yourself. my first instinct was to write to you on the level of a treatment provider, basically saying with your knowledge of psychology you know nothing is non-repairable where schema and ruptures are concerned. it boils down to whether or not each party wants to continue the therapeutic relationship, if so just like friendships, marriages, and other types of relationships it takes work and the will to want a favorable outcome...

now that I have read other postings by you the problem is more clear, you as a client were trying to get from your treatment provider something he could not give you at that time due to his own issues going on in his (the therapists) private life.. he couldnt give you the time you needed because he needed to take time for his own healing.

because he told you this and that he stated he was going to have to set boundries with you in order to keep working with you..

let me tell you something from both a clients perspective and a treatment providers prospective..

from a clients perspective...with me its scary sometimes when a treatment provider makes a change like adding new boundaries. its so easy to jump to conclusions and assumptions and think "she dont like me any more" "Im such a basket case she has to make rules in order to be near me" and other such distorted thoughts I have had in the past. but then when I calm down and ask my therapist whats going on, why the change.. she tells me shes here to help me get stronger, help me to heal, help me to be independent, shes not doing her job if shes letting me take over her private live, running to my rescue each and every time I call on her. like a child learning to walk, or a child learning to read, a child learning to spend the night at a friends house, a teen learning how to say no to drugs and alcohol, like a young adult moving away to go to college, get a job, get married, becoming parents, a therapist like the parent has to know when to rescue, when to be a shoulder, when to offer a helping hand and when to step back and let the client learn they have it in their selves to survive.. when she makes changes it in part means shes got the confidence in me to be able to handle more things on my own. and the only way I will know I can do that is if I let go of her hand and take the steps without her and then she can be there to celebrate my new found self esteem, new found ability to do some things on my own..

from a treatment providers perspective sometimes setting boundaries isn't about the client its about what the therapist needs in order to be the best at their job that they can be. with the crisis center I work for clients are not allowed to call the treatment providers home. this is because therapy is hard even for therapists, theres a high burn out rate with therapists, they listen to 60-90 clients hard times, trauma's, problems and then if they dont get the down time of having their own private life therapists can end up leading their clients the wrong way, I know a therapist who committed suicide because they allowed clients to call their home so the therapist had no way to de-stress from work, didnt have the chance to have some time with their family to enjoy life, all this therapist heard about 24/7 was about all the violence that was done to the clients, she couldnt handle how all the work related stress was doing to her own mind causing her to suffer PTSD, anxiety problems and other work related problems..

in order to be the best they can be therapists must have their own time that private and separate from their clients.

one of the ways therapists take care of their self is setting boundaries with their clients so that their clients become independant and the therapist doesnt get burned out and have to leave the profession.

A good place to start repairing or moving on which ever you decide to do is talk with your therapist, ask him why he's changing the rules adding more boundaries, it may be about him not you for the reason why he's doing this..