((Tinkerbell)) - I'm sorry you feel psychologically overwhelmed over your mothers sudden death, family members getting in your face and your daughters diagnosis. I understand that feeling of intense pain and I usually don't share my own story on someone elses thread but I will a bit now.

My brother who was bipolar alienated himself from his family. I found out he died by his former business partner who saw an ad placed in the newspaper by the city - saying "if anyone knows who blank blank is, please claim your loved one". He died from AIDS. Then a few yrs later my 2nd oldest brother ended his life and then a double whammy. My SIL went ahead and had him cremated without letting us pays our respects first. I was fuming mad and shocked so much that I couldn't attend the service because I was afraid of what I might do. I'm sharing this with you because I didn't have closure with either brother. Then I went through the marriage devastation, so I've have my share of kicks in the teeth.

What I can say is - your mother knows how you feel and this was meant to be. Her spirit knows what's in your heart. It could be your family was being spiteful. This happened to my husband - his mother specifically told her kids, not to notify my husband and didn't want him at her funeral. A family member did tell him but he chose to respect her wishes.

Do you have a therapist? Its fine to grieve but please take care of yourself. Don't dwell on, "what if's and should have's". You can't let this destroy you - your mom had her life and you'll continue to have yours. Just when you think you have no strength left, a glimmer of courage will rise. I'm sorry about your daughter and I hope she gets the right help. Gentle hugs to you ((Tinkerbell)).