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Aug 13, 2012, 06:29 PM
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Member Since: Oct 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 6,543
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I don't thinik you're broken at all! For instance, in your mother's case -- you can't feel a lot of compassion for her because she's done this to herself. That's a normal reaction -- if she caused this herself, who COULD feel alot of compassion, especially when you've offered reasonable and sane advice, and she doesn't want to do it?  It sounds like she just wants to wallow in her own misery and just wants someone to enable her. I don't like enabling people either. That bothers me, and in fact irritates me. LOL If you ask for advice, and then refuse it -- then just don't ASK me -- leave me alone! LOL I'm not going to offer sympathy to someone who caused their own misery. KNow what I mean especially when they should have known better.
And there are times too when it is difficult to offer compassion -- or perhaps the KIND of compassion the person needs, because you haven't been in the position that the person is in, or haven't experienced the same thing. It's hard to know how someone feels if you haven't been there or done that. You can try to "be there" but sometimes that's not enough for some people. But that's all you can do since you dont' now what they're going thru. If they reject you for that, it's not YOUR fault.
I too am an advocate of 'tough love' when it is CALLED FOR, but it depends on the situation. Of course you can't use it if someone has just lost a family member. But it is definitely of use when dealing with an addict/alcoholic or a rebellious teenager! 
Don't be so hard on yourself. You aren't broken from where I sit. I think you're an intelligent, "feet on the ground" person! Give yourself some pats on the back. And accept yourself the way you are -- I don't think you're so bad! I think youj're pretty darn good!! God bless. Hugs, Lee
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