Quote:
|
I wouldn't say I enjoy it, but I remember considering the alternative one day: being well. Doing everything I want to do and enjoying it, succeeding in life, being able to talk to people without beating myself up about something I said wrong later... and then I started feeling anxious! It's almost like there's a familiarity to this depression, and just feeling good, no strings attached... I can't handle that feeling. When I have my rare good days (which I assume is how 'normal' people feel), it feels so good it's almost overwhelming.
|
I can SO relate to this. Was just talking about it today, actually, how I seem to be comfortable in my miserable depression. Reality is that I hate being depressed, but since I've spent more than half my life depressed, it is familiar, and familiar has become routine. It's almost as if when I do have those good days, I don't even fully enjoy them cause I know they won't last.
Working very hard with T these days to try and break this cycle of miserable depression. Painful work, but I'm promised that the "good" life is worth it.