Thank you so much Cottonball. I find this whole situation very disturbing all around to be honest. It all comes from a neighbor who dispite my many efforts to inform him and his family how important it was to contain his dogs as well as explaining the value of my animals and what I did with them, in the end he could not be trusted at all and it cost me dearly. The police failing me, my falling into despair and not being diagnosed correctly with PTSD inspite of the clear red flags I constantly uttered. And that neighbor "still" tearing down my no trespassing signs (at least the police came out for that) him pulling apart a stone wall I was building on my property (at least the police came out for that but not until he completely dismantled my stone wall) and my family being mean to me because they just "don't get PTSD", and now my attorney who has made mistakes and he IS old and struggling and forgetful, and WHAT A DAM MESS.

I was looking up information to see what I could learn, and it is definitely not an easy task to replace an attorney. It is actually VERY triggery going through this whole process of "having to remain unemotional and not show how much all this loss angered, and hurt me deeply". And yet, I have to remember it all for FIVE YEARS AND COUNTING? Talk about abuse, and it IS LEGAL.

You know, reading about what a deposition is all about and how the opposing side plays "nice and friendly" but they ARE ANYTHING BUT? And their job is to keep someone waiting, tied, tied, tied to so much hurt until they want to give up? This is the whole premise of the game? Wow, talk about triggery when someone has a history like mine.

And my attorney? He is old and clearly struggling with his health, it is obvious. And part of me feels bad for him, I think he is hanging on to his profession, well I feel it may be "not" to my advantage. Like I mentioned, he has already made mistakes and CLEARLY doesn't like to be reminded of them.

And to be honest? I triggers my memories of my brother, who had something wrong with him, and no one realized HE WAS HURTING ME. Yes, I knew something was wrong with him and I felt sorry for him, but he still hurt me and I felt helpless and stuck. So ok, yes I FEEL THAT NOW TOO. I am deep down a kind hearted person, so why is it me that SEES THESE PROBLEMS AND HAS TO DEAL WITH THEM AND EVEN SUFFER TOO.

Honestly? Everytime I see my attorney he looks worse, yes I feel bad for him, but I am WORRIED about his capacity to do his job. And he gets mad, remember when people age, their poor qualities come forward more, especially if they feel they are being criticized. And being nice doesn't work either. I just don't know.

I didn't sleep well at all last night, I cry in my sleep, I HATE THIS PREDICAMENT. I have been trying to look through all the files and sorting through things I had sorted through a few years back, hard to once again look at is all. I wish I could do that and not feel it you know?

Open Eyes