I know how this goes. Even into college I had no settled sense of self. I was one of those people who, from a young age, felt that most human interaction was a stage show. I tried playing roles, and eventually just became exhausted. I never knew how to express this perception either, so it festered until I lost it. Eventually I learned how to handle myself, though, and to interact at a more genuine level.

Part of what worked for me was self-talk. I found out at some point that if you ask the subconscious a question, or show it an image or some words, it will give you a response. That response is just a momentary reaction, so it takes a lot of questions and/or stimulus-responses to get a sense of just what all is in there and what "it" really is, and what "it" really wants.

Even that--getting responses from the subconscious--is just a part of the picture. The reactions of the subconscious are the reactions of something that is likely chaotically emotional, and additionally programmed by a flawed and unjust world. Essentially, whatever it is, it isn't perfect, and it isn't something you want to hedge your bets on ultimately. Therefore, self-talk isn't just a matter of asking questions and getting answers; it's also a matter of talking back--issuing advice and instruction based on loftier ideals.

Of course, that also isn't the end of it! Loftier ideals are oftentimes simply hypotheses of sorts. One might have a lofty ideal of not wasting time, for instance, but that ideal may eventually drive them insane because something about their constitution -needs- to waste time every now and then. The ideals that shape our instructions to ourselves are things which oftentimes have to be tested in the arena of life, and measured against our experiences of what works well and what fails.

So, to be straight and authentic with oneself, it's good to develop a patient and realistic tone when practicing self-talk. Rather than speaking in such a way that implies, "We are doing this come hell or high water," speak in such a way that implies, "We should try to test this now, because you (subconscious) seem to be attracted to this, and I (super-ego, or whatever) can see this fitting into my ideal of being genuine (or being curious, or being productive, or whatever virtue is appropriate)."

I know people who, to facilitate self-talk, talk to their favorite video game or comic book heroes about their ideals and their subconscious, and they seem to get good advice from doing that. I've also done that for myself, so I can recommend it from experience. It helps to talk to an ideal figure about these sorts of things. It seems to make the conversation much more heartfelt and desirable. And, the important thing: It gets good results.

All the best in finding solid ground. It's a lifelong journey.