I can relate to your frustrations and anger. I've been living with depression for over 30 years now. It sucks, but now, each time it seems to take over my life, I remember that I came out it before and will again. It's kind of like knowing the sun will rise tmw. Not because you have any control over it, but because it happens without your control, seemingly like the bouts of depression. Knowing it and feeling are very different, but at least knowing I will survive those horrible feelings helps me live through them. Little consequence when you're feeling such gloom and doom (that's how I put it) and sad as it is, there are many like you, who seem to suffer needlessly and prolonged. Please hang in there, knowing that someday you will feel better than today, knowing that you will worse after that too, but that you can survive this pain. Each time makes u stronger, doesn't feel like it, but it's true. I suggest u talk with ur doctor about meds and maybe some other treatment options. Hugs to you!