ok right now i need some positive...
what have I done right lately.

I shipped off my sister (#4) a bear and what I made her a while back-- It is a good thing due to I just needed to give it to her, and now I have-- though I sometimes i want to see her (but can't due to my messed up mind ) any ways-- i sent it off I gave her one of my favorite bears that I have made It always makes me smile, I hope it makes her smile.

I worked my butt off at work-- I did this for myself-- I realize that there will be no validation but I am sure there are emails of "Beauflow did wrong" by the monster at work... I am getting to the point of thinking of her as a monster which is horrible of me-- but she IS SO Vindictive and mean and I think she gets off on hurting people... aka monster to me... she refuses to see what she does--- NO This is not projection SO many others see it- But the economy and corporations are allowing this toxic envirnment to be--- and I read from others I am not theonly one

But I worked my butt off last night-- I have three busy more days to come which is good- i will be able to see a Manager that I want to talk to in the morning so that is a good thing-- I hope we have time to chat and smoke a cig together.

I started "blanket" project of crocheting even though I have my doubts-- I will see how it comes out and learn what I may be doing wrong by examining it.

I realized that my fear of repeating of losing everything as in Childhood over and over, in my teenager years and then in my early 20's-- is a big part of why I am not moving my butt I think-- I need to some how turn this into-- probability-- OR Perhaps- What is the probability of me losing everything with just not taking the chance??

last week i was really good with writing in my journal == I should really find time this week to do the same...



sorry for the rant