So long post coming up.

I am new here, I feel like I am battling depression and self esteem issues.

Little back ground story on me I have always been really bad with women, never had a girlfriend through high school and college lost my virginity at 20 to my first real girlfriend who I dated for a year.

We did not work out she cheated on me and it crushed me, and for almost a year I battled depression and had a serious hate for women. I lost my job and started drinking heavily and partying. not a fun time. many hangovers and thoughts of suicide.

Then started my new job which I love and enjoy waking up to go to work.

I had a rule " Don't dip your pen in company ink "

I broke that rule December 31st started seeing a girl Melissa, she had recently broken up with her long term boyfriend of 7 years and we were good friends at work one day she messaged me out of the blue on microsoft office communicator lamenting her Christmas was gonna be crappy I did not get in it with her.

But later added her on FB and we chatted and she informed me of what happend we exchanged numbers which led to making plans to have coffee. we met up and it was great we chatted until the shop closed and made plans to see eachother another time, we went out December 31st and I put my arms around her and we regularily seen each other the days following.

One night we went out for a drive and we got a hot choclate and she came over to my seat and was all over me, we made out and fondled each other for a couple hours. it was great and I was the happiest I had been in ever.

Weeks went on and we made plans to go on a romantic get away to canmore in Alberta near banff for valentines.

We enjoyed the sites of the town and had sex for the first time, it was great and I started developing strong feelings for her. The drive home was... awkward she was distant I could not place my finger on what was wrong.

The following week her parents went away on a trip, ( she lives at home her and her ex bought a house together and that needed to be sold )

I came over and stayed at her house, no sex, she did alot of teasing and I held her at night but nothing. Frustrating and she grew even more distant.

Febuary 25th,

My moms birthday, we went for dinner, went to one of my cousins hockey games and then to a surprise birthday party for my mom.

Drove her home that night and she burst out in tears she was in alot of pain that her ex caused her. ( he was cheating on her for a long time and married the girl he cheated on her with ) and she just needed to clear her head and she was sorry and I am a great guy etc.

I drove home that night feeling lost and empty, and angry.

The story gets worse.

She said she needed time apart, I knew we were over and I wanted to fight to maintain that, and I tried and tried but she was not interested.

Later about 2 weeks I seen her at work with another guy, his name is Brandon, he is a friend and a co worker and was flirting with her at the same time she broke up with her ex. I thought nothing of it.

Well her and Brandon hooked up and are a couple.

I was the rebound.

It has been almost 6 months and I still feel like crap, I hate myself, and I keep getting rejected by women.

I have feelings that I am worthless, not physically attractive and no self esteem, women seem to see my picture and tell me I am not there type.

I am 24 single and got a good career, yet I see my closest friends who i rarely hang out with because I hate feeling inferior, buying houses starting familys and I got none of that.

My parents at my age just bought there first house and were thinking of kids.

I dunno what to do. but I basically go to work, come home, eat if I feel like it, and sleep, where I have this weird re occuring dream. I feel like Bill Murray in Ground Hog day.

No matter what I do its the same thing over and over.