I have always been totally 100% clear that I have never wanted to end my life; I have only ever wanted to escape the pain in my life. Recently though the thoughts towards that have changed. I cannot see a future for myself. After so many years of struggling with a mental illness with constant relapses I can't see how things could get better. I have caused my children so much pain in their short lives that they do not need to continue with that. With 1 already in full-time care... I guess I am just looking for other member's input- should I be worried that for the 1st time in my life my thoughts have changed from wanting to escape to not caring if it was permanent? I must make it clear that I am not intending to do anything- I just don't understand this and don't know if it is directly linked to all the stress I am under at the mo or perhaps it is another decline??? Any ideas anyone??? Please?!